A dog to remember.

I feel like i just need to do this post.



Snowy
2003-2009

The first day I met you, I fell deeply in love with you. I still can remember the whole scene till today. You were beside the the Schnauzer I was actually setting my eyes on. I just didn't know it was you yet. Your cute sharp yapping and white fluffy fur. Your little black eyes and black button nose. Your pink ears were funny. One year was pointy and the other was droopy. You were so excited as you don't know what was going on. You did not look up once at all but just around your little playpen. In 15 minutes, you were in the car on the way to your new little home.

The first few days you were already a hindrance, you let go everywhere and even on my hand. I wanted to strangle you so bad. But whenever I looked in your eyes, I will just naturally give in. Your little paw. Your little tail. Everything about you is small. Your first jab that got from the vet, I held you tightly in my arms. You did not flinched, but just lay willingly into my arms. I know you could feel that I will be beside you no matter what. And yes I will. Soon, you got familiar with your new little house and your new little family and your new little me.

Whenever there's thunder, I would be beside you. I would hug you in my arms, put a blanket over you. And give you all the warmth. Whenever I am down, you will always be beside me. Licking my tears away at times. Even when I start to neglect you, you will still stand by me and know that I'm your owner. You will never fail to greet me when I come home. You will never fail to come and sleep with me. You will always be there when I want you. You never really disobey. You never fail to be faithful and beside me and know that you are mine. And that you belong to me. That you know very well.

You went missing many times, but I always have you back with me. See how much we're meant for each other? See how much we can't be separated? We're just meant to be together no matter what comes in our way.

Last Saturday you just celebrated your 6th birthday. I did not buy any cake for you because the stupid dog bakery closed down. Fuck that dog bakery. I only wished you a Happy Bithday and fed you treats.

The last few days of your journey, you were suffering deeply. I am just sad I can't feel your pain. I am sad I can't take it away. I am so sorry that I couldn't gather enough money on time to take you the doctor. I hugged you hours back before you were gone. I told you we're going to the doctor after I get the money that day. I told you to hang on. Why didn't you wait? WHy do you have to go? Why are you so mean to me? Why? Why? WHy? Snowy why? It is just a few hours more and you will be well. Why didn't you wait? What is suffering a few more hours than having to live a few more years? Why didn't you wait? Snowy why? I hate you for that. I hate you.

20 minutes before you go. Before I left for school, I patted you on the back to wait for me to come home. I said goodbye, little did I know it would be the last goodbye.

On my way to school, my mum called to say you have left. That you are gone. I cried all my way to school. I couldn't even rush back straight away because I have presentation. Why do you have to go? You were still alive and breathing before I left. I shouldn't have left. Then you will still be alive. I am sorry that I wasn't there to hold you. To be beside you before you go.

I cried even on the way back. Ariel sis broke down the moment I told her in school. I just had to fetch her. She needs to see you a last time.

The moment I reached home, the air was so still and stagnant I felt I could almost vomit. I felt that I could almost die. It seemed so surreal. The sight of an empty gate without your nails tapping like you always will, and your head wasn't bobbing up and down like you always do whenever I come home. No more barking.

I stepped into your kitchen and saw you lifeless body wrapped in a towel. A few hours ago, you were still at the same spot alive and breathing. You were still there. You were breathing. No one dared to move. I was the first to move forward. I saw you laying there and I broke down immediately. I called you and you did not move and tilt your head like you always do. Your eyes weren't close. You died uglily. You died uglily because I wasn't there with you. You did not see me at all before you go. You died ugly. It is all my fault. It is my fault. I shouldn't have gone to school. I was selfish and thought only about myself. I did not think about you.

Now I have no one to greet me whenever I come home. No one to sleep beside me at night. No one to hug whenever I feel like it. No one to tickle. No one to say goodbye to when I leave the house. No one to go home and look forward to see. No one to lick my feet. No one to scold. No one to love. Snowy, you're all that I really have. You're the only one that I can call mine. Why do you have to go? I wanna leave with you, can I? Life really is meaningless without you. I want you. I don't anything else except you. I want nothing but you. Nothing but you, Snowy. You only. I love you Snowy.





Love,
Bel