Love...

I feel as though I'm not something of importance to you. I've been calling and texting you all day(not a ridiculous amount honestly). And I thought you're sleeping that's why you didn't reply. Only to find out you've been outside the way day.

I'm not angry with the fact that you are out. I'm just angry at the fact that for more than six hours of you being awake, you didn't bother to want to text me at all. You always pick up others calls almost immediately when you're awake. Why not mine? What if I was dying and called to say my last words? What if I'm lost somewhere and need help? Would you be there for me when I need you? Or do I have to gather all the strength I have left to go all the way over to look for you like I always do?

I do believe in the love you have for me. The love is there. But is the significance of my existence there?

Yesterday I got reprimanded for the way I was behaving. I'm not me when I'm with you. I am me and more than that because you are so special to me. You made me feel like an embarassment to you went you said that to me in public. It made me feel like I'm a fool cos I've been like this all along whenever we're out. I thought of the number of times I'm always like this, and though about the number of times you have already dislike it. I think I probably am an embarassment to you.

I hate myself. Not you. If you were to read this I bet you will definitely be thinking I hate you. But honestly, I don't at all. I hate myself. I hate myself for not being able to meet your expectations, hate myself for being so useless and stupid, hate myself for not being able to show you how much I love you in actions because of the way I keep making stupid mistakes. I hate myself for not loving you enough, because if I do, why am I so stupid? I am so sorry. Terribly sorry. I'm a burden to you. I'm so sorry.

-

FUCKED UP. DUMB. STUPID.

FUCKED UP=ME

DUMB=ME

STUPID=ME

I HATE MYSELF

Roller Coaster.

Things have been a roller coaster ride these days. Lotsa ups and downs.
Honestly I never realize I don't like to work till now. Kinda fucked up.
Just started on my internship and I've been pretty bad. Discipline wise that is. Second week and I had three days mc. Cool huh? Sure cannot get A already. But fuck care luh. Whatever happens, happens.

I've been quarelling a lot with my boyfriend lately too. Its not good either. I feel like I don't really understand a lot of things in life. Though it may seem I do because of the way I talk I guess. I don't regret being with him. And I don't mind the hardship I will definitely face from now on just to be with him. But I'm just scared I can't pull through. Its not the kind of fairytale I always wanted. But it is the prince I always wanted. Hopefully love will pull us through everything. I'm kinda crying while writing this though.

I feel like I've also been influenced by a certain friend of mine lately. She's the kind who doesn't really worry bout her life and everything still seems perfectly fine for her. I feel like becoming a little like that just cause. Its like she can slack, sit back, relax and she's still alive after everything. Pretty amazing. I hate to admit it but I'm kinda slack these days because of her vibes I guess. I just wanna be carefree like that. But I know I can't.

Lastly, I think I'm kinda hopeless now. I'm unsure if I can last my two months of internship and the last semester of tertiary. I'm also unsure if I can last the six months of my baby's attachment and that whole entire month away. I feel like I'm really breaking down now. I need serious help. But who is there to help me?

Till then...


Love,
Bel

Never been happier (:

Its been a zillion years since I've posted something here. Been really busy with school and work(yep! i got a job (: ) lately. And, I had someone new and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious amazing in my life.

School's been busy because of a temendous amount of projects and reports. And, I'm trying to do my best as its my final year. Though I haven't been a good student academically, but I believe that I still have the chance to do what I can as its never too late(said by a special someone^^).

I've also found myself a part-time job at a club called Silk located @ Orchard Hotel. It's a really beautiful place and everyone there is just super awesome. I never love working this much before (:

Ohhh....
And the supercalifragilisticexpialidocious SPECIAL, NEW, AMAZING, AWESOME, SUPERDOOPERRAD someone is my boyfriend. Yes, I'm in love. (: He's really the most sweet, loving, awesome, amazing, caring person I've ever met and he always makes me smile. We got together on Independence Day (:


Just a short post.

Till next time (:



Love,
Bel

Midnight Shift Midas Touch

Sherman received invites to Midnight Shift Midas Touch @ La Maison (newly renovated Mimolette) on Saturday 15 May. Its an after-hours invite only party. Thank you Sherman!!!

La Maison is a really beautiful place. Set in an almost reanaissance atmosphere with carpets and furnitures. A really nice place to chill. The only thing for us youngsters that may come off as a disappointment is in the music where its house music. But other than that it ain't too bad after all (:


XIN.MSN FEATURE











Me and Sherman waiting for the bus.






Made 2 new friends (:
Cuitian, me and Sean






Froyo before hitting the club.

Mix flavours with lotsa toppings. Thus costed us a BOMB!

Chicken wings to curb our hunger pangs.

Chilling on the sofa @The Loft. The air conditioning was heaven!!!!!

Duo from Detroit City. Idk who they are really. Everyone seems pretty hyped!

Saw Dawn Yang!!!!

T'was really kind of her to take a picture with me.

I tweeted her to thank her for taking a pic with me and she @reply me really quickly. She's awesome!

Till next time it is....

Love,

Bel

Catching up.

Met up with Sherman today for an awesome buffet dinner.
Its been awhile since I had buffet AND also awhile since I last met up with Sherman.
Dinner was at Kuishinbo Suntec City. Food was seriously one of the best I had in awhile.




The glass Tiramisu thingy was the best!!! Its like a solid form of B52.



We drank almost all the different types of tea there. They are Twinings. Really yummy.
Peppermint and the strawberry one was the best.


Green tea ice cream with lotsa chocolate sprinkles!!!


Picture this (:


Fondue made by yours truly. The strawberry coated one is yummy!


I look fat. :/



Chawanmushi!!!!


SEAFOOD GALORE!!!!



Sushi and Sashimi!!!



Unglam shot of me eating the crabs :D


We had more than this and I was so full after the dinner.
Frolick at Cine later because our tastebuds are lemming for some froyo!!!

Had an awesome time tonight. (:



Love,
Bel

The Runaways.

Lately, for the past few months I've been crazy over this movie. The Runaways is not just another idol movie but a bio-pic of the actual Runaways band where it revolves mostly around lead singer Cherrie Currie(played by Dakota Fanning) and Joan Jett!!!(played by Kristen Stewert).

Watch the above official trailer and don't tell me you hate it!

I'm honestly in love with Kristen Stewert in this movie not because she's hot and not because of Twilight(ahh!). But because she looks almost like Joan Jett. And I LOVE Joan Jett!!! And this role suited her so much better than Bella Swan.

Dakota Fanning seriously matured a lot in this movie. And this is a stepping stone for her career in time to come.

My opinions are solely based on the trailer, clips and music video I watched on the official YOUTUBE channel of The Runaways movie. I haven't watched the movie yet as it only debuts next week in Singapore. Do check the videos out. Its AWESOME TTM!



Watch the Cherry Bomb music video by Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewert. Their vocals are really good I must say. Especially Kristen Stewert's!!!

Get the sound track here!!!
I'm getting mine as soon as the CD hits shores in Singapore!!!

Join the official Facebook page too!

Can't wait to catch The Runaways next week May 6th!!!!!





Love,
Bel

Guten Tag

Hello!!!
Its been awhile since I've updated this space.
That's because I've been having my internship for NINE whole weeks.

I've officially ended my internship! And boy, am i happy (:
Its a really tough and mind draining kinda job.
Was working as a customer service call agent at a bank.
I've learnt a lot through this job butt I don't think I would ever want to go back there again.
Its really really stressful.

***Pictures pictures..



Clement (:
He's a temp staff and he's AWESOME! Taken during his last day at work. He's going for NS. Take care dude!
We'll miss you!

Group shot!! Shiyi, me, Claire, Xueyi, Kat, Clement.

Xueyi, Shiyi, Kat and me (:

I miss these girls...

Shen Xiang and Claire.

He's a really nice dude. The 3 of us went Holland V for an awesome night out once (:

THIS!!! is the secret to how I survived my 9 weeks!!\

Yes its a vending machine!!!

I love the Blackcurrant juice. And...its FREE!

Jerrold, Shiyi, Xueyi and Nicholas.
This two guys started on the same day as us.

They're awesome people.

Shiyi, Claire darling and me.

I miss Claire a lot already.

The only thing I miss the most about internship is her.

Anyways, school has started, for me at least.

Met Ariel for class yesterday. So happy to see her. I miss her so much!!!

Didn't see her for nine weeks. Glad to finally see her (:

Well,

I'll update again soon (:

Love,

Bel

A dream.

Last night, I had a dream about you.

You were at my house using the laptop.

It was a class gathering.

I sat beside you to see what you were doing.

You looked at me. Patted my head.

Our hands made contact.

You wrapped you hand around mine.

Pulled me close to you.

But I pushed you away.

You looked at me with this warmness, and I start leaning back in.

And the next thing I knew was, I woke up...

And everything is all over.

The dream was so real.

I could even make out the beautiful features of your face.

But I know that a dream is a dream.

It will never be reality.

Love,

Bel

Absence.

Been awhile since I've blog.

I've been busy, like really really busy.

I'm on an internship for two months. 9-6 job.

Will talk about it in the next post or two.

BTW, I got a tumblr.

And recently got an invitation to lookbook.nu

Pretty awesome.

So long...

Love,

Bel

Tiramisu. Retail Theraphy. Interview. Party!!!!!

*Pictures in this post related to my previous one.

Tiramisu making in the process......

Whipping the mixture....

Claire darling still whipping it.

Dipping the lady fingers into our "powerful" concoction.

Claire and me!!!

The secret ingredients.....

Shopping!!!!

Claire needs formal wear for the next day's interview.

The final pick of the day. A pant suit overall!!!

Interview for internship/attachement!!!

Me and Ariel. I'm gonna miss her so much!!!

The thought of not having her makes me wanna cry.

Me and my darling (:

Party at Mel's place!!!

Chai pok, Melvin and Jona.

Not forgetting the shot glasses!!!

Jason, Sharon and Chai pok!

Me and my beautiful Claire.

I did her makeup yesterday.

Me and the boys.

Jona, Melvin, Jacky and me.

Jacky spilled Martell on my phone.

Fuck shiz...

Us people.

Look at the way he's going..

WTF-OMG-OMFG!!!!

See how red and drunk he is.

Tsk tsk.

Dunkin' in!!!!

Love,

Bel