I feel as though I'm not something of importance to you. I've been calling and texting you all day(not a ridiculous amount honestly). And I thought you're sleeping that's why you didn't reply. Only to find out you've been outside the way day.
I'm not angry with the fact that you are out. I'm just angry at the fact that for more than six hours of you being awake, you didn't bother to want to text me at all. You always pick up others calls almost immediately when you're awake. Why not mine? What if I was dying and called to say my last words? What if I'm lost somewhere and need help? Would you be there for me when I need you? Or do I have to gather all the strength I have left to go all the way over to look for you like I always do?
I do believe in the love you have for me. The love is there. But is the significance of my existence there?
Yesterday I got reprimanded for the way I was behaving. I'm not me when I'm with you. I am me and more than that because you are so special to me. You made me feel like an embarassment to you went you said that to me in public. It made me feel like I'm a fool cos I've been like this all along whenever we're out. I thought of the number of times I'm always like this, and though about the number of times you have already dislike it. I think I probably am an embarassment to you.
I hate myself. Not you. If you were to read this I bet you will definitely be thinking I hate you. But honestly, I don't at all. I hate myself. I hate myself for not being able to meet your expectations, hate myself for being so useless and stupid, hate myself for not being able to show you how much I love you in actions because of the way I keep making stupid mistakes. I hate myself for not loving you enough, because if I do, why am I so stupid? I am so sorry. Terribly sorry. I'm a burden to you. I'm so sorry.
